Will I ever feel comfortable and go back to a state of zen again? I don’t think that I will – and that’s really sad. Because I need to be in a state of zen to be happy and I need to be happy to function properly. It’s just an unfortunate cycle at the moment and because of this, I’m not working (or doing the things I love) efficiently in the slightest.
I just wish that I could run away from all my responsibilities, buy salad and vegetable seeds online and then never come back to civilisation. I could start my own farm and grow my own produce. I would never have to come back to normal society again and that would save me so much stress. All of my stress comes from the rigours of modern society. All I want to do is be outside in my garden tending to my flowers and my herbs, but instead I’m sitting behind a desk and staring at a computer which is filled with information that I don’t actually care about. I’m sure you can imagine how and why these things are getting me down. Life is beyond stressful and my anxiety is through the roof. This sucks.
I’m just going to close my eyes and imagine myself in my happy place. It’s the only place that I feel completely relaxed and even if I’m just imagining it, I can feel my anxiety melting away. I’m sure you can imagine what I’m doing in my happy place. In my place I’m in a pretty sundress and wide-brimmed hat, carefully and gracefully watering my garden. I’m paying special attention to the floribunda roses in the very centre of my garden. They are my prized possessions and I pride myself on keeping them bright, beautiful and vibrant at all times. Even just thinking about my happy place and letting my imagination run wild now, has made me feel good about myself.
If only this feeling would last.